The house is full. So far the holidays are living up to my expectations of being harder work than term time. There’s mess everywhere and I can’t sit still for 5 seconds without someone asking me what I’m doing. Mind you they also ask me what I’m doing when I’m involved in a blindingly obvious task like loading the washing machine or stirring the batter for these cupcakes. I’m not winning at trying not to stress eat too much.
Most of the baking I’ve been doing this week has been more sourdough related products one of the taste team remarked ‘you really love sourdough don’t you’ half way through the week. Today’s rolls are my best yet. Many recipes that claim to be foolproof are lying but this one has earned its title.
So yummy I ate three in a row (they’re only small honestly). Taste team comments also very positive.
There’s no free time to enjoy baking but the kitchen assistant wanted to do cupcakes. I managed to hold it together through most of the process -have given up all hope having cleaned the surfaces 3 times in 2 hours.
I started with a recipe but I changed it so much it’s a whole new recipe now.
2 1/2 cups self-raising flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/3 cup coconut oil
1/3 cup butter
1 cup coconut sugar
3/4 cup caster sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 1/4 milk
Preheat oven to 190 c 375 f gas mark 5. Place cupcake cases in a cupcake tin. Mix all ingredients together in a large bowl. Spoon batter into cupcake cases. Bake for 18-20 minutes.
We iced with regular vanilla buttercream and sprinkles.
They taste really good. Coconut oil and coconut sugar makes them a bit healthyish -that’s the story I’m sticking to anyway.
This blog is about cupcakes a little bit but it’s also about friends and family and how feelings are ok. I made so many cupcakes this week, vanilla ones,chocolate vegan ones, even gluten free ones which tasted good. Why? Because it was my birthday (an age with a 0 in it) and I wanted to celebrate having reached a point in my life where I have friends I can count on and who I love to spend time with. I wanted a party where I didn’t have to be the centre of attention because my friends know and love me just as I am and where I could show them how much I love them all with cake. Because I’m not always good at expressing myself but I’m good at making cake.
I am also blessed to have many lovely and loving people in my family (not least my wonderful mum who supported me through all of the stress and shopping and organising and cleaning) and the same day was filled with many emotions as my kind, principled, loving father-in-law passed away. Even when you know that someone is very ill and have plenty of warning it’s still a shock when that moment comes. So there was sadness, I will never see his smile again or hear him say ‘ah they’re alright’ when I tell off one of my children. We will miss him more than we probably know. But there was also relief as his pain is over and he’s at peace now and he died with all his children and his partner and sister around him in his own bed knowing he is loved. And even surrounding the sadness there was joy. The joy that we knew him and have many wonderful memories and the joy that comes from the comfort of your friends sharing the downs as well as the ups with open and loving hearts.
Life is full of beginnings and ends and celebrations and hard times and all of the mundane day to day in-between. But if life is also full of love all of those times and all of those feelings are OK. It’s OK to be happy and OK to be sad sometimes and it’s OK to share that with each other.
Making so many (over 100) cupcakes meant freezing them before icing them on the day.
Which worked really well except that chocolate cupcakes’ wrappers peeled away as they defrosted. The gluten free cupcakes which finally worked well and tasted good were made using Doves Farm gluten free self-raising flour with their own recipe https://www.dovesfarm.co.uk/recipes/fairy-cakes/
I also made vegan and gluten free scones – more on that next week!
I’ve been making positive decisions over the last three weeks. Some of them have been decisions to do things other than spending time on the computer which is why the baking has happened but the blogging hasn’t.
It’s been a few weeks of thinking about so many things that are completely out of my control. The things that are either shit that happens because that’s just how the world is and the things that are the consequences of bigger life choices that I’ve made. My heart is very much in one day being able to go back to my job of being a birth doula -if you’re saying ‘a what?’ click here. But not dwelling on that as it can’t happen in the next couple of years is easier said than done. Making smaller positive choices within the confines of what is possible for me right now does help but it doesn’t quiet the longing in my heart completely.
In our wider family we’re being forced to face the fact sometimes people have to leave you before you’re ready to let them go and cancer is really shit. There are positive choices you can make to value and love people but sometimes hard times come and it’s ok to be sad, it’s ok to not be ok.
When things are not ok chocolate cake can’t fix anything but it’s still nice to have some.
This recipe hasn’t got eggs and I made it with almond milk so it was completely vegan. I was also in a hurry and I took it out the tin too quickly so it crumbled but it still tasted really good.
The next week my project at the insistence of my kitchen assistant was strawberry cupcakes. They tasted amazing, too amazing, the taste team was either not available or apparently don’t like strawberries, except the kitchen assistant who didn’t like the icing and then refused to eat any more cakes. Long story short I ate them all. It wasn’t a good decision but I couldn’t help myself.
And it led to a very positive decision to stop saying I need to do something about my health and start actually doing something. And so the last week has included a lot of making smoothies and salads and no coffee drinking. I’ve gone a bit hardcore to start off but I’m working on a new lifestyle, not a temporary quick fix so I’m planning to mellow as I learn.
We did a little Easter Baking. It was fun and I think we did a good job of making them like the picture but I don’t know what they taste like.
It’s been a long week. This blog and the time spent doing some fun baking is now 7 days overdue. But some weeks it takes all the positive decisions I have to get to the end of each day without giving up and the whole point is to find the fun and the joy not to give myself something more that I have to do.
It’s difficult for me to feel I’ve done enough when ‘all’ I’ve done is parenting and cleaning, cooking etc all week but it’s something I’m trying to call myself out on. I know it’s important to look after yourself to have the energy to care for others but sometimes the most important thing to do for yourself is to go to bed early and ignore the ‘you’ve not done enough’ feelings.
I’ve a daughter with a cupcake obsession and an event coming up so today we were thinking about perfecting cupcakes. Vanilla cupcakes made by weighing two eggs then matching the same amount of butter, sugar and self-raising flour and a teaspoon of vanilla flavour are so simple but work so well.
The kitchen assistant’s style of putting the batter in the cases was a little random but very enthusiastic and I managed to pull them together and the cakes taste good. Now we just have to keep working on our icing skills.
Maybe it’s like with the pancakes and we just need better equipment or maybe we need a good YouTube tutorial.
Once the kitchen assistant was distracted I also decided to see if the vegan brownie recipe would work as cupcakes. They cooked quicker but tasted just as good.
So tomorrow to find a good gluten free cupcake recipe.