It’s not really carrot cake

Been struggling to write this week. Feeling a little bit lost and not sure how to put it into words. Last week my eldest had his last ever sports day. No matter how much you enjoy all the moments you can the time when your children are small the time still goes super fast and they are big and growing up so soon.

It’s a long time really until I’ll be finished with small people as my youngest is only just starting school in September but that does mean the pre-school baby days are all gone for me and the countdown feels like it’s on as this time next year we will be waiting for the first big set of exam results and school will be over (just school, not full-time education but still -college is a whole new thing).

It’s been 19 years since I left full-time education and I still feel like I don’t really know what I want to achieve with my life, what I’m going to be when I grow up. Making three people and trying not to ruin their lives before they reach 16 is amazing as well as really hard and often frustrating but even when you stretch it out by having a big age gap it doesn’t last forever. I wouldn’t have my life any other way than revolving around these three wonderful people but I still feel the sense of panic that haven’t really got a plan for what comes next for what it means to be just me when they don’t need me so much anymore. It’s a strange job parenting, you’ve only really succeeded when you’ve made yourself redundant. It’s so hard to want to reach that point, that feeling of success while also never wanting to reach it because it feels like part of who you are is not forever. We will always be their parents and always care for them and look after them of course but it won’t be the same. So who will I be, what will my time be spent on, how will I know I’m still me.

I can’t answer these questions and letting them run round in my head is making me anxious so I know I need to fill my days and really focus on enjoying today and making the most of these moments which are not forever.

This week I’ve made more bread -it was too crusty. Also, I found the cookbook I got for my birthday, so here’s a way of having more vegetables for breakfast. Having made it I think maybe it should be renamed just carrot granola because there’s really no cake involved.

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Drying the carrot was OK much like drying the almond pulp in the previous granola recipe but there were too much of the other ingredients to mix on the tray this time.

Luckily I have such a lovely bowl I love to find reasons to use it.

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I mixed once during baking but think maybe should have mixed twice because it got a little overcooked at the edges.

 

 

 

Still, it tasted good and made a healthy breakfast so that’s what counts.

 

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Lists, chocolate, flapjack.

I read that ‘baby brain’ is a real thing. But how old does your baby have to be before you can stop blaming having children for not being able to remember anything? And how do you know if your brain is just the normal amount like a sieve? Anyone else ever wonder if they would even know if they started developing dementia early?

The only way I get through the day without forgetting everything is by making lists. I can’t remember when I started having to write the lists down but at some point not long after my first baby arrived once my third was here I had reached the point of realising if something isn’t written down it’s not going to happen. The silver lining for me is more stationary shopping, I’ve always loved a good notebook.

Busy kitchen this week.

In the search for yummy and healthy trying out chocolate hazelnut spread.

Roasting was ok but removing the skins was very fiddly.

My food processor is reaching the end of its natural life but it did a reasonable job especially once the rest of the ingredients went in.

It’s tasty but no one is going to confuse it with the widely available commercial chocolate-hazelnut spread. Will try using melted chocolate next time.

More work in pursuit of the perfect flapjack.

This week’s recipe:

Melt:

50g Butter or coconut oil

5 Tbsps Honey

 

Remove from heat and stir in

150g Oats

Bake in preheated oven at gas mark 6 for approx 20 minutes.

Easy and general approval from the taste team if a little strongly honey flavoured for me personally.

 

 

 

 

 

Perspectives

As a family in a time of mourning, we’re trying to learn more about empathy and taking each day at a time here. I’m struggling with car troubles and the teenagers are struggling with school work maybe not all big things in the grand scheme of life but when you’re already on edge it’s harder to keep perspective. Our four-year-old is learning sometimes cheering people up with a picture you’ve coloured works and sometimes people are just sad and maybe need a hug and that’s ok.

So we are all in need of good positive energy, trying to get good food into the family is sometimes easier said than done but at least I can lead by example.

This week I’ve baked energy bars. The taste test team mostly refused to try them due to the presence of dried fruit but those who did found them delicious, hard to believe there’s no refined sugar in there!

I used the food processor to chop the nuts -my first go at roasting them in the oven, turned out ok. I chose apricots and a couple of dates as I’m quite fussy about dried fruit (maybe where my kids get it from). Whisked the eggs by hand and that was the most work, back to using the electric whisk next time!

Just remembered to take the photo before taking a bite as had been good and waited for them to cool before cutting. They taste like a cross between flapjack and cake. Super yummy.

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